Amu Has Herself a Long Title to Deal with Here
by Sweettreats-chan
Summary: Just a story for the giggles and some romantic tension! Mostly Amuto, but gotta throw in some delicious Kutau, Rimahiko, and Kaiya! Oh, and add a crazy ex-boyfriend Tadase and you have yourself a deal!


**_Hi-ee, I'm Sweettreats-chan._**

**_No plot. Nope. Just comedy and romance. What? I like to be innovative. Innovative? Maybe I mean inventive. Ah, whatever the case. I hope you enjoy! Sorry for mistakes and typos, love you. Rated for language and sexual referrences. I don't own Shugo Chara, but that's the one thing you probably should have known beforehand. Just saying._**

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Amu eyed the tube of red lipstick warily. Standing at five feet and two inches, this girl was seventeen years old. _Seventeen years_. Certainly that was a justifiable age to wear red lipstick, right? Almost two decades of her life have gone by, and she had only been in the company of demure lip gloss and measly chap stick.

Chap. Stick.

That lipstick was Amu's own coming-of-age ceremony. Of course, her birthday had been – what? Seven months ago? So it was a little belated. Like it mattered. As a joke, Utau bought her a box of condoms and drew a winking cat face on it. At least, Amu wanted it to be a joke. With Utau's straight face when she watched Amu unwrap it, one could never be too sure.

It brought back awkward memories.

-_Flashback of Meaninglessness—_

We have a twelve-year-old Amu and a seventeen-year-old Ikuto. Amu had heard something at school the other day and she was sitting on her balcony with Ikuto. She glanced in every direction, making sure no one was around, then she leaned in close to Ikuto. She sensed the severity of her question. It could be a dire situation, here. One had to be careful.

"Ikuto," she whispered, hands cupped around her mouth. She peeked surreptitiously toward her room. Dad liked to lurk. It was empty. Ikuto glanced quizzically at his pink-headed friend. "I need to ask you something." She refused to speak above a low whisper. Ikuto had masterfully good hearing anyway.

"Ask away," he prompted, his curiosity piqued.

Amu cleared her throat. Her heart started to race. She didn't understand why she was getting so nervous. It just felt like a life or death situation. She was embarrassed. How come someone like Saaya knew what it was, but Amu didn't? She looked her feline friend in the eye.

"What's a condom?"

-_End Meaningless Flashback of Meaninglessness—_

Oh, the horror that had been. Ikuto had soon commenced laughing hysterically for fifteen minutes. He fell out of the lawn chair he had been lounging on, rolled onto the ground, grabbed his belly, chortled until his usually pale cheeks flushed, guffawed until he was out of breath. Every time he was about to stop laughing, he would glance at Amu's bewildered expression and go into another fit.

Amu hadn't understood at the time. But later she had learned what a condom was and the humiliation never ended. It was a running gag for her friends, who of course found out about the hilarity of it from Ikuto, to constantly bring up the condom debacle. Naturally, she would get a box of the blasted rubbers from her friend for her birthday. Of freaking course. Welcome to the life of Amu Hinamori.

But now, she faced the greatest enemy of all. That tempting tube of fire engine red. It sang her name sweetly, coaxing her to reach for the sleek cylinder of mystery. She had seen her mother wear that shade countless times, and it looked fine on her. She saw Utau wear it – but Utau never counts because she can pull of almost everything. Except for Lady Gaga clothes. Thank Jesus for that.

The color red stimulates sexual desire. Amu read that somewhere, probably in a Cosmo magazine. Her heart started to pound, like back when she asked that dreaded condom question to _Ikuto_ of all people. _Ikuto._ She had only asked him because she thought he was a knowledgeable guy. Oh, he was knowledgeable alright. A little too knowledgeable.

Truth be told, she sort of had a crush on the guy. He was twenty-two now. She had known him for five years, and she had liked him all that time. The problem was, he started dating this chick. What was her name? Julie. _Julie_. Blond-haired, tan-skinned, curvy _Julie_ with the perky boobs and Australian accent. Ikuto had met her when he toured in Australia with his father. He brought her back with him and they dated on and off for a while.

Amu was also stuck with Tadase. She had been head-over-heels for Tadase for a very long time, and when she finally started dating him, she thought they would be together forever. But complications arose, he turned out to be a psychopathic control-freak, things were said, walnuts were chucked, underwear was burned, and things ended rather horrifically.

But that was over now. And Julie was… what happened the Julie? Amu couldn't remember. She just disappeared or something. Amu had seen Ikuto's status on Facebook was changed to "single" one day, and she was so excited that Julie completely vanished from her mind. She never bothered to ask what happened to that blonde babe. She could care less.

So, what was preventing her and Ikuto from getting together now?

A tube of red lipstick.

Actually, there were many more factors, but Amu didn't like to consider them. She liked to tackle one problem at a time, and this was one she had to face immediately. It seemed to be the biggest challenge, but also the simplest. A wise man once said, "What's hidden in an empty box?"

Amu picked up the lipstick and popped off the transparent cap. She tossed it behind her, where it bounced off a wall. She then twisted the bottom of the tube, and the red stick of power slowly ascended from its dark chamber. Amu's mouth went dry when she beheld such beauty.

She spun and faced the mirror hanging behind her. Her palms were sweaty and she had to grip the tube tightly to refrain from letting it slip. She caught her own golden eye in the mirror. "What's hidden in an empty box, Amu?" she asked herself.

"_What's a condom?"_ she had asked Ikuto that dark day so many years ago.

She hardened her gaze on the red stick of power. It was almost like she could feel her heartbeat through her temples. She had to do this. She was almost an _adult_, dammit.

-_Surprise Flashback of Meaninglessness_—

They were sitting on the couch at Ikuto's apartment, watching Survivor – everyone. What? You need to know who, specifically? Good lord.

Kukai and Utau – who have been an item for five years and maintain a healthy (if slightly kinky) sex life which they have no qualms discussing in front of their friends.

Rima and Nagihiko – who aren't exactly in a relationship, but the sexual tension in these two are off the charts.

Yaya and Kairi – also not a couple, but they are so adorable together, it makes everyone sick.

Amu and Ikuto – at some point during the episode, Ikuto had taken it upon himself to pick Amu up and move her onto his lap, where they snuggled. This was common behavior for their particular group of friends, but that didn't stop Amu's heart from hammering; didn't stop her blush from raging out of control; didn't stop the heat that radiated blissfully through her body.

Utau, with her long, smooth legs draped over Kukai's lap, had glanced over at them when the episode ended. She winced and kicked Kukai when he played with her toe. "Amu, Ikuto, I don't know why you two just don't date. It's _so_ obvious you two are into each other – and hey, news flash. You're both single."

Amu could have boiled a Utau omelet with her glower. Utau had such a huge-ass mouth, it was a wonder the whole freaking universe didn't get sucked into it. She was _trying _to get together with Ikuto! She didn't need Utau ruining everything with her unnecessary bitch commentary.

Ikuto started to laugh, so Amu easily joined him, playing the whole thing off nonchalantly. "I couldn't date Amu, she's not ready yet." Ikuto ruffled Amu's hair.

Amu abruptly stopped laughing. Time to dig. "Not ready?" she asked, faking a smile. "What even is that supposed to mean?"

"You're too… inexperienced. Too innocent? Like a fruit that hasn't ripened yet."

Amu's blood sizzled in her veins. He was comparing her to a fruit? A _fruit_? At least mention what kind of fruit, for heaven's sake. Was she a grape, a pear? An apple? Lord, if she was a grapefruit, she would probably kill herself. She met Ikuto's sapphire gaze. "I don't like what you're implying."

He laughed and ruffled her hair again. "Don't worry about it, squirt. Maybe I'll consider you when you're more seasoned."

-_End Meaningless Surprise Flashback of Meaninglessness_—

Amu's hand, clutching the tube of lipstick as if her entire existence depended on it, started to shake. Ikuto had called her inexperienced. A fruit, for crying out loud. She was no fruit. If anything, she was a cookie. A double-chocolate chip fudge cookie with extra chocolate, because Ikuto loves chocolate.

This lipstick would mark the beginning of Amu's metamorphosis. Of course, she wouldn't change herself completely for a _guy_. Who's that dumb? But she would definitely make some changes so Ikuto could see how adult she really was. She was mature for her age. She had _Advanced Calculus._ As if math meant anything at all.

What's hidden in an empty box? The power to change it, bitch.

So she pressed the lipstick to her bottom lip. She stilled the trembling of her hand and ran the stick back and forth. Then she applied to her top lip, then more to her bottom, then she got a little outside of the lines. She tried to wipe it away, but it smudged, and she forgot she still had the tube in her hand, so she got some on her cheek. In the process of trying to hastily wipe that away, she smudged it even more. Panicking, she rubbed her lips together, creating a rim of red around her entire mouth, way past her lips.

The doorbell rang.

Amu didn't bother answering the damned thing. She lifted the bottom of her shirt and tried to use it to wipe away the outrageous mess on her face, but it only furthered the disaster by spreading it to her cheeks and nose. It also left a ghastly stain on her pale green top.

She was too busy freaking out about the catastrophe at hand to notice that the door was slowly opening. When she did finally turn around and face none other than Ikuto Tsukiyomi, she looked like some sort of depiction of a clown from hell.

Ikuto took stock of the situation before Amu could even hope to do damage control. "You tried to apply lipstick and made a horrible mess," he commented, marking the scene with acute precision.

Amu was almost glad her cheeks were stained red, because then he couldn't see the blush brewing in her face. She had no rebuttal.

Ikuto approached her. She wanted to run and hide. Surely he would ruffle her hair, flick her nose, call her a juvenile. Tell her she was a cucumber that hadn't ripened yet. _A cucumber isn't even a fruit!_

Instead of doing any of the expected things, Ikuto did the opposite – as Ikuto has a tendency for doing. He smiled tenderly, pulled an anonymous handkerchief out of his pocket with a red and black checkered design, and wiped off Amu's mouth. He didn't bother with the excess mess on the rest of her face. He just focused on the red at her lips, and once that was sufficiently wiped away, he kissed her.

Amu wished she could have enjoyed the kiss. But she was too shocked, too embarrassed by the idiotic thing she just did, that her mind couldn't even cope with what was happening. Before she knew it, he leaned back, and she was left with only the remnants of a grand kiss on her tingling lips.

Ikuto gazed into her eyes, still smiling that serene smile he sometimes got, the enigmatic one that Amu's tiny baby brain couldn't comprehend.

"You're cute," he said simply.

Then he left.

Amu suddenly recognized the handkerchief. She had given it to him three years ago for his birthday. She made it herself and thought he would like the colors and design. He had kept it all this time? And _carried it with him_?

God, how medieval.

But sweet. So sweet.

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**_Like what you read? Leave a review and chapter two will be up lickety-split! Winky-face._**

**_Sweettreats-chan - signing OUT!_**


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